i was contemplating whether or not my like for dips is superficial. apparently i have a thing for ‘redmen’. #bullshit i don’t have a type. i just need the dude to be pretty.
anyway, its not superficial. when i first met dips i wasn’t into him. his redness did not make a difference to me. i live, surrounded by red, its not a very big deal. i was not interested in him and im quite positive he wasnt interested in me either. however, the bitch grew on me.
during form 6, we became actual friends. since uwi has started, i have very much grown to like having him around all the time. so its not superficial.
roberto is superficial. roberto i actually couldnt be bothered with in the least. i simply do not care.
with dips, i care. in a big way. in a huge way. and that has nothing to do with him being red.
I don’t like sharing. i truly adore this young man and i realised a few days ago how much i prefer being alone with him. Its not even about getting action or making out and being horny; i like experiencing him when he’s entirely un-influenced by any other personality. i like when he talks freely and i can learn new things about him.
he’s fascinating. every time i think im comfortable or at a constant, i learn something new or notice something i wouldnt have predicted abt him.
and he’s not afraid of me or of hurting my feelings. he doesnt see a monster or a fragile pathetic little creature. i appreciate that.
as much as i’d HATE to admit it, im very fond of him. And, unfortunately, i sometimes feel as if i could rely on him… depend on him /: but the idea makes me sick. and scares me. and makes me want to stay as far as hell away from him as possible.
but i really couldnt do that.
he thinks he’s this great asshole. he does, sometimes, act like one but he’s not. i know exactly what an asshole looks like and dips is definitely not one. he cares; my guess, more than he sees beneficial. he cares about his mom, about his brother, about school. i know he cares about his friends. truthfully, he’s a great kid. i dont understand why he would ever think of himself as anything else.